I started to write this piece before Christmas when I was in warm and sunny California because I have wanted to communicate about SAD for a while. Each year, especially when I am in the sun, I think I must be exaggerating the extremity of it, and in this state of faux optimism, I approach winter again. I knew I had to return in the New Year to take care of necessary business and was slightly dreading the effects of the atmospheric change. Though I arrived back to winter sun, after about 10 days I start squinting, not having enough light to see. I’m afraid I am a dreadful bore about the weather; many people tell me they do not even notice it but I feel it down to the slightest nuance. Have done since I was a child.
SAD first happened to me in the 80s when I moved north from California and it took me by surprise. Because I decided Vancouver was the best place to raise my children, the school year kept me firmly in place. It was imperative to me to find out everything I could about S.A.D.and how I could make it better.
It took a while and my own research to figure out what was causing the problem. The Doctors tried and found no brain tumour, ill health or other cause of my apparent inability to wake up. Allergies to trees and molds were uncovered. Sleeping pills were proposed, I tried but was concerned about being conscious enough to hear my kids at night. I kept on reading.
The esteemed doctor who heads up the research at UBC told me I was the most extreme case he had seen. As a type, I tend to always hit those outer statistical edges, for better and for worse☺ I’ve become used to it. He was at first reluctant to take me on since I was a newbie to this misery and he had patients he said who had been suffering for years. I explained to him about my essential services role in my little family and the urgency of my being fit so he agreed.
He loaned me first an enormous light box with several tubes of full-spectrum lights. It was Frankensteinian compared to the current ones and it had immediate results. The first time I sat in front of it I felt my eyes widen and my shoulders drop to their proper place.I could breathe deeply again. It was a strong bandaid that got me through the worst of itand at least woke me up. Still,I felt like a caged bird, throw a cloth over me and I sleep, remove it I wake up.
The human body responds to light, as does most natural life on Earth. Our systems are tuned in to the daylight hours to maintain our Circadian Rhythms, which regulate and control food digestion, appetite, energy levels, sleep quality and duration, and mood. If we do not receive the correct daylight signals at the correct time and these systems are impaired, of course we are going to be moody and dyspeptic. Without the light stimulant, our systems ARE asleep. The feeling of dulled senses is a fact. It is emphatically NOT ‘all in your head’.
Because I am so seduced by the wild beauty here in the Northwest, I repeatedly con myself into thinking I can handle winter. I can’t. I take all of the actions I know of to ameliorate it, 5000 units of VitD each day, Happy Lights, Meditation, exercise. Porridge. Lots and lots of music. And still my biorhythms are confused by the darkness. I am just not up to my own expectations.I count my blessings and am impressed by their number, I project exciting plans for when my energy returns.
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